“There is likely an underlying reason behind why some children injure themselves, such as teeth grinding or biting nails”, says New York-based family therapist Hal Runkel.
If you are a parent, you might understand that parenthood is full of surprises. You look over one day to find your little ones proudly holding up a drawing they made themselves, and the next, biting their own arm in frustration. You pause, concerned. “Why do kids bite themselves?”.
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do toddlers bite themselves?” you’re not alone. The thing is, this kind of behaviour can be confusing and even scary, but a lot of the time it’s all down to a child trying to communicate how they’re feeling when they haven’t yet learnt how to put things into words.
Why Kids Bite Themselves?
As a general rule, children bite themselves for many reasons. It’s not always because they are mad, frustrated, or confounded. It’s the outcome of sensory necessity for one to either modulate emotions or manage them.
Some reasons for toddlers biting hands or arms can include the following:
Frustration:
In toddlers who don’t yet communicate effectively in words, there can be a lot going on internally that is released (literally) through biting. They do so frequently when they’re troubled by something that they can’t fix, like a missing toy or an unsolvable issue. Some toddlers bite because they want to feel something when they are frustrated and/or kick a particular negative physical state (a way to provide pressure on their gums/a way out of hurting).
Seeking Attention:
The child probably bit in the first place to get a reaction from the parents and, despite being yelled at, will bite again if that’s what they’re trying to achieve. The child has learned that this is what behavior will get him attention, and in the mind of a child, any recognition, negative or positive, is better than none.
Teething or irritability:
If your little one is teething, it is possible that a little bit of gnawing can provide a quick release to the pain and stress in their gums. If this is the case, it is important to know that they will not be doing this constantly; it comes and goes with teeth cutting.
Modeling:
Kids will copy what they see, even if they don’t understand it. One child will bite another sometimes simply because the first one sees it being done. This can be scary, but with some help and guidance, most kids get over it.
Emotional flooding:
This is one of the main reasons children misbehave. Chewing on themselves when they’re upset: You may notice kids biting themselves when they are mad, particularly after an argument with a friend, getting told “no,” or not being able to have something they want. That may be because some of it depends on how well a child is able to self-regulate, or manage emotion and deal with emotion in a healthy way. That ability is still developing in younger kids. They can tell us that they’re angry in a different way than saying, ‘I’m mad.’
When to Be Concerned?
If you observe self-biting in children once in a while, it doesn’t have to be that big of a deal, especially with very small kids. But if it happens to you frequently or severely, as in, leaving bruises and marks to the extent that it’s an everyday thing, then seek help from a professional.
If the biting persists, it may be related to developmental, sensory, or emotional issues. A paediatrician or child behaviourist should be able to help you get to the bottom of why this is happening and give you ideas for how to deal with it and cope with biting behavior. If your child is biting to the point of pain or biting another child, you will want to deal with it right away if you don’t want it to be a problem later.
How to Teach Your Child Not to Bite?
Seeing your child bite at themself may be distressing, but there are safe things you can do to support them when they have these feelings. Here’s how you can help them.
Stay Calm and Watch:
When it does happen, take a deep breath. Because when you get angry or scared, it always ends up very badly. Instead, pull your child’s hand away gently and comfort them. Time it occurs and the context: is this during play time, bedtime, or conflicts? It can be helpful to help you spot triggers and patterns.
Name the Feeling:
Encourage your child to cut down on the feelings.
“You’re sad because you lost the game,” or “You’re angry because the toy broke.”
By labeling feelings, you are teaching children to become more mindful of their own emotions and how to use words rather than their teeth. That’s because it teaches kids to regulate their emotions so that they don’t bite as much, using something other than their teeth, once you teach them how to name what they are feeling.
Praise your child’s emotional regulations, how they reacts with words, or another response to anger (pounding a pillow or even screaming in a non-destructive way). For instance, “I’m so proud of you for telling me that you’re mad instead of biting!”
Praise motivates the children to make good choices and shows them what is often expected behavior.
Final Thoughts
So, what causes kids to bite themselves when they are upset or sad? It’s usually exactly what they’re trying to say, but just can’t yet. Biting is a coping mechanism for them; it is how they deal with excess stress and overload (similar to how chewing or sucking soothes people), and biting something as hard as they can gives them a big shot of sensory input to offset the overload that they’re struggling with.
Children can learn not to bite, using words or creativity, or soothing strategies, with a combination of empathy, gentle guidance, and repeated emotional support. Such behaviors are prominently observable in prekindergarten/preschool kids. Therefore, a prekindergarten program in Alpharetta with a focus on emotional regulation might be of great help.